O, airport, how I loathe thee! At the same time, you provide a joy that cannot be replicated. Being an active duty military service member, traveling with noticeable military equipment, should warrant some leeway when traveling, right? Wrong. Not only did I still have to pay an absurd amount of money for my baggage, I was immediately treated like a criminal. Excuse me, I was abiding by the regulations set forth by the airport as a precautionary measure. We wouldn’t want a war veteran shooting the place up (not like that has ever happened before). Nonetheless, aside from my obvious frustrations, I’m finding a way to enjoy this place tremendously.

It’s damn near 2010, so there’s no reason for the United States not to have free wi-fi in any metropolitan area of the country, but we still fall short. Boingo and Dulles have a lovely deal that provides free, unlimited, and relatively fast internet connection throughout the Dulles megaplex. I’m certainly not complaining about this, as, of course, I’m updating this site thanks to this fantastic service. Additionally, when all you want to do is sit down, have a cold Yuengling and fight your own anxieties about flying, it’s nice to sit down and troll Facebook during the wait.

Getting to the juicier aspects of my airport experience; I’ve adopted eavesdropping on conversations as a hobby, hell, it’s a passion at this point. Just a few moments ago, a rather obnxious young businessman, probably in his early 30’s, was on the phone yapping about how his marriage has gone to shit, his soon-to-be, ex-wife, will get away with murder by “raping” him for alimony, how he’s sleeping with his 21 year old secretary, and how he may lose $250,000 in a company merger. This made me smile. I dare not find pleasure, or humor, in this man’s assumed “misfortune,” although, I do find it to be extremely entertaining.

All this is making me want to see the new George Clooney flick. Up In the Air? Or something. I’ve heard good reviews.

One of the key points of Dulles International Airport (Washington, D.C., holla) that I enjoy is that they’ve adopted the all too foreign concept of smoking rooms. I don’t particularly enjoy going lengthy stretches without a nicotine fix. You can say what you want about the harmful effects of smoking, but if you hadn’t gathered this already, I couldn’t give a rat’s ass. I enjoy it.Hell, I’m borderline addicted. What’s most interesting is that in the smoking room closest to my gate, it’s a mix between a fashion show and a crackhead convention of LOVE Park (Philly reference, keep up). I knowingly tend to overdo it a bit when traveling. Being presentable is rather crucial, and dressing in layers can be so gratifying when you’re well put together. Subtle acknowledgement from other travelers that compliment my ensemble is even more gratifying.

This place is a circus, and I know not who’s in charge.

Happy Christmashannukwanzaakuh to all of yous.